What Would Buffy Do?
by thefudge is grumpy
Summary: Post Season 2. Klaus is determined to kill the witch who's threatened his life so many times. Funny how that turns out.


_What is this? Yet another Klonnie story? When I still need to update the other two? How irresponsible. But yeah, I couldn't help myself. I blame this on **Anastasia-G** and our long conversations about season 2 Bonnie and Klaus. Also, Buffy. But you got that from the title. Anyway, hope you enjoy the trash ride to trash town! _

* * *

Two vital lessons Bonnie Bennett has learned in her short lifespan:

 **One.** Don't piss off an all-powerful hybrid

 **Two**. If you _do_ piss off an all-powerful hybrid, run.

Pretty simple, right? Well, let's just say I learned these lessons the hard way.

* * *

I should have been more alarmed when Caroline threatened to break down my door one late summer afternoon.

"Bonnie! I need to talk to you, it's an emergency!"

I came down in my slacks and T-shirt, an SAT prep book stuck to my hip. This year was senior year, and I intended to at least _pretend_ school was the priority in my life. Yes, I could hear the laugh track in the distance.

"What's wrong?"

"He's back!" Caroline almost screamed in my face.

"Who's back?"

"You know who!"

"Voldemort?"

" _Much_ worse."

Oh, no. I knew who was worse than Voldemort.

"But he took off with Stefan –"

"And now he's come back. I heard it from Damon who saw them walk into town like they owned the place. I ran _straight_ here to tell you. Bonnie, you have to hide, or we have to figure out a battle strategy! He's back!"

I tried to calm my vampire friend, unsuccessfully. "Hey, it's all right. We can handle this. I'm still pretty powerful. He can't hurt me, okay?"

"You don't get it. Damon said he had this look on his face…" Caroline shuddered. "Like he wanted revenge."

I took a deep breath. Klaus wanted revenge? What a novelty. Was I ready for him? I hadn't exactly spent all summer training. When he and Stefan took off in June, we were all pretty torn up about the younger Salvatore but I have to admit, I let Elena worry about her boyfriend and I went back to my life. I was still sore I hadn't managed to kill the hybrid thanks to his traitor brother, Elijah, but I wasn't going to lose sleep on it.

It seemed I should have.

"I'll just stay inside the house for a while. He can't get past the magical barrier."

"You can't stay inside forever!" Caroline protested. "But don't worry, I'll protect you, I won't let anything happen –"

 _Snap!_

The blonde vampire fell at my feet like dead weight. Her neck had been broken. I would have screamed, except I didn't even have the time to react.

 _He_ was standing on my porch with a murderous look on his face. You know, _not_ Voldemort.

"Hello, Bonnie."

My SAT prep book fell from my hip as I took a step back inside my house.

Klaus picked it up lightly.

"Ah, how charming," he said as he flipped the pages over. "You still think you have a future."

I looked down at Caroline's limp body standing between us.

Klaus smirked. "You're right, we should get rid of meddlers."

When he kicked her with the back of his boot, her body flew down the porch steps and rolled onto the grass.

"Caroline!" I yelled, stepping forward.

"That's right, come out, little witch. Make my day," he beckoned like a hungry shark. I wasn't _that_ stupid. I stayed put. He'd have to leave eventually, and then I could help her.

"These walls…" he trailed off, tracing the door frame with his thumb, "can't keep you from me forever."

I crossed my arms and hoped I looked fierce. You know, not 'Beyoncé' fierce, but more like 'the scary lady from _Matilda'_ fierce.

"I'm not afraid of you. So if you came all the way here to intimidate me, you failed."

Klaus cocked his head to the side. "Intimidate you? I already know you're frightened. I can hear your erratic heartbeat. I can smell the chemicals of fear on your skin. No, I came here to kill you, of course. I already let you live for two months. That's _unacceptable_ , especially after what you tried to do."

He had such a way with words, that Klaus. He really knew how to make someone feel special. I tried not to shrink back.

"When I was a kid I wanted to live in a house made of cheese. We all dream impossible things," I retorted, feeling pretty pleased with my comeback.

"Oh, I don't expect you to be _easy_ to kill," he drawled, his eyes turning an unsettling shade of amber. "Where's the fun in that? Your death will be slow and painful."

"Worse things have tried to kill me, Klaus. I think I'll do fine." All right, so my voice _did_ tremble a little at the end there.

"None worse than me, I assure you, love." He sounded very confident about that. And then I noticed there was still dried blood on his shirt. _Oh_. Oh boy.

He caught me staring.

"You'll have to excuse my unkempt attire. Sorority girls make a very messy carcass."

Had he just said _carcass_?

I tried to play it cool. "So…that's what you did this summer? Drank your way across America?"

Klaus grinned, revealing his sharp canines. "Drink, tear, maim, torture…whichever way you want to put it."

"A…ha," I said, trying not to swallow.

"I am _quite_ looking forward to applying those time-honored methods on you, little witch. I wonder if you'll scream. "

"Oh, I'll be screaming," I said and then realized _what_ I'd said and had to rectify. "Screaming so many spells in your face that you'll be history!"

I wasn't great with threats.

But Klaus didn't even blink. "We shall see, won't we?"

I realized I had sort of agreed to a match, which I _hadn't_. But I couldn't say anything now.

"Can – can I have my SAT book back?"

He looked down at the thick prep book which was still in his hand. "You'll get it back when you come out and play."

With that, he turned around and walked off my porch. He made sure to step on poor Caroline's hand like it was made of rubber. My blood boiled a little. I screamed back after him,

"Hey! That prep book cost 30 dollars! You better not dent it!"

I could practically _hear_ him smirking.

* * *

I couldn't sleep that night. I don't have to explain why. I stayed up in bed with all the grimoires I owned and tried to find a spell inside those tattered yellow pages that could kill a hybrid. I felt like someone who was trying to cram before a big test. My head was pounding. The more information I tried to absorb, the less I felt I knew. Crap.

I took a break around 2 AM and cracked my window open….and then quickly shuttered it and drew the blinds.

 _He_ was standing outside in the street, smirking at me.

Maybe I was seeing things. Getting feverish from old book smell.

I drew the blinds an inch.

Oh, God. It _was_ him. His mouth was coated in fresh blood. His hand made a cutting motion to his throat. Like an ax or a guillotine. Meant for me, I assume.

I started rifling through my drawers. Did I have a passport? I remembered Dad once insisting we get some, just in case the Iraq thing turned crazy. Well, it did, but we hadn't moved out of the country, or even the state. So, maybe I was out of luck. I had some relatives in Idaho, on my dad's side. But I'd need a plane to get there and for that I needed to drive to the airport. More crap. I _could_ teleport a little. It was a really complicated spell and I could only move from one room to the next, but it was something. Maybe if I did it long enough…

No, that was out of the question. I didn't have the power of one-hundred witches anymore. Maybe fifty, if I pushed it.

I got so frazzled at one point that I actually dozed off for a few minutes in my chair, but I woke up quickly and started pacing again.

At 7 AM, I was a mess. I stood in the shower for an hour, thinking about death. Would this be a repeat of last year's 60s dance? When I almost killed myself in order to kill him? Was this how I was supposed to go?

And then I got a call from Jeremy. That cheered me up a little. We'd been going out for a few weeks now, and it was going great by my standards. Although there was no way I was hanging out with him today. I was exhausted and I looked gross.

"Hello, Bonnie."

My blood froze.

" _You_."

"Why, who did you expect? Your adolescent boyfriend? I'm afraid he's currently occupied."

I could hear a muffled scream in the background.

"Klaus! What did you to him?"

"You'll just have to come out and see."

"If you lay a hand on him –"

"Goodness, I don't think _anyone_ should lay a hand on him."

"I'm serious –"

"So am I. He's got terrible hygiene all around."

"Says the person who's got human entrails on his shirt," I snapped back.

"I'd love to chat some more, but little Jared is going to die unless he gets more blood in his system."

"His name is Jeremy!"

But he'd already hung up on me, the bastard.

I hated him. I hated him _so_ much. Of course he'd go after the people I cared about, but the very next day? Even enemies have a _code_. What kind of jerk doesn't have a code?

The kind that needs to be killed.

I dressed quickly, grabbed some stakes from my nightstand, some powders from Grams' stash and put on my most comfortable shoes.

I was going to kick some hybrid ass.


End file.
